SPREAD THE STUPIDITY!
Consider the following:
If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced
enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)
If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced
to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)
The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to
squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)
A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)
A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death.
(Creepy....but I'm still not over the pig.)
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)
The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its
body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")
The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the
length of a football field.
(30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)
The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)
Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life... quality over quantity)
Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)
The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm......)
Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed
people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)
Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....................)
A cat's urine glows under a black light.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)
An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)
Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)
Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)
Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)
Spread the stupidity and send this to someone you want to bring a smile to
(maybe even a chuckle).
Have a great day and don't forget to SMILE.....it's contagious!
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SPECIAL TIP FROM THE WEBMASTER:
HEAD TO TVLAND.COM TO HEAR SOME OF YOUR FAVORITE THEME SONGS WITH
LYRICS THAT WERE NEVER SUNG ON TELEVISION!!!
BEWITCHED
http://www.tvland.com/unsung_themesongs/bewitched_unsung.jhtml
I DREAM OF JEANNIE
http://www.tvland.com/unsung_themesongs/jeannie_unsung.jhtml
BONANZA
http://www.tvland.com/unsung_themesongs/bonanza_unsung.jhtml
THE DICK VAN DYKE SHOW
http://www.tvland.com/unsung_themesongs/dvd_unsung.jhtml
(Webmaster's Note: This is the best one. It was written by
legendary comedian and star Morey Amsterdam, and the words
prove just how we should look at life.)
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2 TOUGH QUESTIONS
Question 1:
If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already, three who
were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she had
syphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion?
Read the next question before looking at the response for this one.
Question 2:
It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts. Here
are the facts about the three candidates.
Candidate A.
Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologist.
He's had two mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
martinis a day.
Candidate B.
He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps until noon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.
Candidate C.
He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke, drinks an
occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.
Which of these candidates would be your choice? Decide first...
no peeking, then scroll down for the response.
Candidate A is Franklin D. Roosevelt.
Candidate B is Winston Churchill.
Candidate C is Adolph Hitler.
And, by the way, on your answer to the abortion question:
If you said YES, you just killed Beethoven.
Pretty interesting, isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Wait till you see the end of this note! Keep reading...
Never be afraid to try something new. Remember:
Amateurs...built the ark.
Professionals...built the Titanic
And Finally, can you imagine working for a company that has a little more
than 500 employees and has the following statistics:
* 29 have been accused of spousal abuse
* 7 have been arrested for fraud
* 19 have been accused of writing bad checks
* 117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
* 3 have done time for assault
* 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit
* 14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
* 8 have been arrested for shoplifting
* 21 are currently defendants in lawsuits
* 84 have been arrested for drunk driving in the last year...
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?
It's the 535 members of the United States Congress. The same group that
crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of
US in line!
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Sent from a Principal... Enjoy:
The teacher asked, "Harry, what's your problem?" Harry answered,
"I'm too smart for the 1st grade. My sister is in the 3rd grade and I'm
smarter than she is! I think I should be in the 3rd grade too!"
Ms. Brooks had enough. She took Harry to the principal's office. While
Harry waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the
principal what the situation was. The principal told Ms. Brooks he
would give the boy a test. If he failed to answer any of his questions
he was to go back to the 1st grade and behave. She agreed. Harry was
brought in and the conditions were explained to him and he agreed to
take the test.
Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Harry: "9".
Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Harry: "36".
And so it went with every question the principal thought a 3rd grader
should know. The principal looks at Ms. Brooks and tells her, "I
think Harry can go to the 3rd grade."
Ms. Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him some questions."
The principal and Harry both agreed. Ms. Brooks asks, "What does a cow
have four of that I have only two of?"
Harry, after a moment: "Legs."
Ms. Brooks: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?"
The principal wondered, why would she ask such a question!
Harry replied: "Pockets."
Ms. Brooks: "What does a dog do that a man steps into?"
Harry: "Pants."
Ms. Brooks: "What's starts with a C, ends with a T, is hairy, oval,
delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?"
Harry: "Coconut."
The principal sat forward with his mouth hanging open.
Ms. Brooks : "What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and
sticky?"
The principal's eyes opened really wide and before he could stop
the answer.
Harry: "Bubble gum".
Ms. Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman do sitting down
and a dog do on three legs?"
Harry: "Shake hands."
The principal was trembling.
Ms. Brooks: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K' that means
a lot of heat and excitement?"
Harry: "Firetruck"
The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher,
"Put Harry in the fifth-grade, I got the last seven questions wrong."
