For those of you who just thought you knew everything, here's a refresher
course...
The liquid inside young coconuts can be used as a substitute for blood plasma.
No piece of paper can be folded in half more than seven! (7) times.
Donkeys kill more people annually than plane crashes.
You burn more calories sleeping than you do watching television.
Oak trees do not produce acorns until they are fifty (50) years of age or older.
The first product to have a bar code was Wrigley's gum.
The king of hearts is the only king without a mustache.
American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one (1) olive from each
salad served in first-class.
Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. (Since Venus is normally
associated with women what does this tell you!)
Apples, not caffeine, are more efficient at waking you up in the morning.
Most dust particles in your house are made from dead skin.
Walt Disney was afraid of mice.
Pearls melt in vinegar.
It is possible to lead a cow upstairs... but not downstairs.
A duck's quack doesn't echo, and no one knows why.
Dentists have recommended that a toothbrush be kept at least six (6) feet away
from a toilet to avoid airborne particles resulting from the flush.
Richard Millhouse Nixon was the first U.S. president whose name contains all the
letters from the word "criminal." The second? William Jefferson Clinton
And the best for last.....
Turtles can breathe through their butts.
Now you know everything there is to know.
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Subject: Why, Why, Why
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are
getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is
not enough?
Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but
check when you say the paint is wet?
Why doesn't glue stick to the bottle?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest, but ducks when you throw a
revolver at him?
Why do Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
If people evolved from apes, why are there still apes?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are
always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people constantly return to the refrigerator with hopes that
something new to eat will have materialized?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum
cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give
the vacuum one more chance?
Why is it that no plastic bag will open from the end on your first try?
How do those dead bugs get into those enclosed light fixtures?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping
cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it
isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
Why is it that whenever you attempt to catch something that's falling off
the table you always manage to knock something else over?
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when
we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?
And my FAVORITE......
The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four persons is suffering
from some sort of mental illness. Think of your three best friends -- if
they're okay, then it's you.
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Few things to think about that you probably have never thought about:
Can you cry under water?
How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated
instead of just murdered?
Why do you have to "put your two cents in"... but it's only a "penny for your
thoughts"? Where's that extra penny going to?
Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in
for eternity?
Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
What disease did cured ham actually have?
How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good
idea to put wheels on luggage?
Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like
every two hours?
If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to
look at things on the ground?
Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked
anyway.
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp,
which no decent human being would eat?
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why
can't he fix a hole in a boat?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just
buy dinner?
If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what
is baby oil made from?
If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but
when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Do you ever wonder why you gave me your e-mail address in the first place?
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EYE TEST
Count every "F" in the following text:
FINISHED FILES ARE THE RESULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTIFIC STUDY COMBINED WITH
THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS...
(SEE BELOW)
HOW MANY?
WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke.
READ IT AGAIN !
Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down.
The reasoning behind is further down.
The brain cannot process "OF".
Incredible or what? Go back and look again!!
Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first go is a genius.
Three is normal, four is quite rare.
Send this to your friends.
It will drive them crazy! And keep them occupied for several minutes...
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More Brain Stuff . . From Cambridge University.
Olny srmat poelpe can raed this.
Cdnuolt blveiee that I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd what I was rdanieg. Thnkas to
the phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid, aoccdrnig to a rshearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in what oredr the ltteers in a word are, the olny
iprmoatnt tihng is that the first and last ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The
rset can be a taotl mses and you can still raed it wouthit a porbelm.
This is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the
word as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas tghuhot slpeling was ipmorantt!
If you can raed this psas it on!!
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Arnold Schwarzenegger has a big one.
Michael J. Fox has a small one.
Madonna doesn't have one.
The Pope has one but doesn't use it.
Clinton uses his all the time.
Bush is one.
Mickey Mouse has an unusual one.
Liberace never used his on women.
Jerry Seinfeld is very, very proud of his!
Cher claims that she took on 3.
We never saw Lucy use Desi's.
What is it? Answer below! (this is pretty good )
The answer is: "A Last Name."
You didn't think I'd send you a dirty joke, did you?
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Subject: History Lesson
Abraham Lincoln was elected to Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to Congress in 1946.
Abraham Lincoln was elected President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected President in 1960.
Both were particularly concerned with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children while living in the White House.
Both Presidents were shot on a Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the head.
Now it gets really weird.
Lincoln 's secretary was named Kennedy.
Kennedy's Secretary was named Lincoln.
Both were assassinated by Southerners.
Both were succeeded by Southerners named Johnson.
Andrew Johnson, who succeeded Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon Johnson, who succeeded Kennedy, was born in 1908.
John Wilkes Booth, who assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.
Both assassins were known by their three names.
Both names are composed of fifteen letters.
Now hang on to your seat.
Lincoln was shot at the theater named 'Ford.'
Kennedy was shot in a car called ' Lincoln' made by 'Ford.'
Lincoln was shot in a theater and his assassin ran and hid in a
warehouse.
Kennedy was shot from a warehouse and his assassin ran and hid in a
theater.
Booth and Oswald were assassinated before their trials.
And here's the kicker...
A week before Lincoln was shot, he was in Monroe, Maryland. A week before
Kennedy was shot, he was in Marilyn Monroe.
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Bill Gates recently gave a speech at a High School about 11 things they did not
and will not learn in school. He talks about how feel-good, politically correct
teachings created a generation of kids with no concept of reality and how this
concept set them up for failure in the real world.
Rule 1: Life is not fair - get used to it!
Rule 2: The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you
to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself.
Rule 3: You will NOT make $60,000 a year right out of high school. You won't be
a vice-president with a car phone until you earn both.
Rule 4: If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss.
Rule 5: Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a
different word for burger flipping: they called it opportunity.
Rule 6: If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your
mistakes, learn from them.
Rule 7: Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now.
They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to
you talk about how cool you thought you were. So before you save the rain forest
from the parasites of your parents' generation, try delousing the closet in your
own room.
Rule 8: Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life HAS
NOT. In some schools, they have abolished failing grades and they'll give you as
MANY TIMES as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest
resemblance to ANYTHING in real life.
Rule 9: Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very
few employers are interested in helping you FIND YOURSELF. Do that on your own
time.
Rule 10: Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to
leave the coffee shop and go to jobs.
Rule 11: Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one.
If you agree, pass it on.
If you can read this - Thank a teacher!
